WHY DID THE TURTLE CROSS THE ROAD.

Why? To provide a metaphor for the random luck, and cruelty of what ever this is. Love,  poverty, suffering, and reward happening while we struggle to get to the next place; the good place; the other place.

I'm talking ,of course,  about Steinbeck's turtle in the beginning of The Grapes Of Wrath. A sobering lesson for anyone who has ever taken up the challenge of writing. It is a meticulous, deliberately slow-paced, high definition rendering of a child's favorite pre-historic creature being tried by the trappings of modern humanity. Comical, cynical,   noble, wise, but above all, determined to get to a better place.

ROBIN WILLIAMS KILLED BY CREEPING 1970'S ZYGOTE NINJA

Come to find out ,courtesy of Life News [anti- choice rantarama] our beloved actor was murdered by his own aborted tissue sample from a 1970 something pregnancy- Time machine? Naaaaaw.  It takes that many years for a legless blob of flesh to crawl from L.A. to his Northern California home to exact revenge on its' dead beat  daddy.
 That's right . When I want the Jack Webb version of the story { "just the facts, ma'am"] I go straight to Life News, the World News for people who have just finished showering off the gore  from the last murder, of the last  womens' health clinic nurse. Apparently this "Pro Life" business is trickier, and a tad more selective than It sometimes appears.Not that murdering doctors and nurses is anyone's fault. When you crack an egg and a fertilized yolk shaped like Christ Almighty tells you to kill somebody, what choice do you have? Hell, it's not just a direct order: it's a poignant symbol of the battle before you. You crazy motherfucker you!

Anywhooo ,this article claimed that the alleged abortion contributed to Williams state of mind at the time of his suicide.I guess somebody had to accept the Rush Limbaugh "super fuckhead challenge" and ladies and gentleman we have a winner.I have to hand it to the Christ Cartel. Claiming this personal tragedy for their cause  celeb is quite the taffy pull.You can pick up a copy at the next anti- baby killer bake sale.

Life News "If It's News, It's About Us." or , as Warren Zevon put it, "life'll kill ya. and then you'll be dead" . Raise a glass to the pro-life crowd who, like sperm to an egg, have hit the creamy bullseye of the tird- covered target that is the Robin Williams coverage. May you all end up in a stained, fetid toilet in a back alley someday.    

AMASH RIDES FALKOWSKI ENDORSEMENT TO... VICTORY?

The Justifucator was every bit as dignified in victory as we would like to see him in defeat. Defiant, red-faced, indignant, unapologetic, excoriating his detractors for their baseless feints at character assassination.... Jesus, will someone yank this bitches choke chain and tell him he WON!

Amash is popular with Libertarians and some young conservatives because of his "outsider "status.At first blush he may  appear to be something of a political ingenue, but he actually marched into politics following the Kennedy model .His father Atallah Amash is a Palestinian immigrant who fled his country amidst post WW2 turmoil.He is an impressive example of  what can be accomplished in this country with determination,business sense,and belief in the possibility of success that has always been the allure of the American Dream.He has amassed a considerable fortune importing tools for sale to hardware stores and automotive chains.He has also managed to keep a very low public profile.He is well connected enough to know that his middle eastern ancestry, and his wealth could spoil the bone fides  of his son from the point of view of his Tea Party base.
This should be instructive to anyone who thought the Republicans in west michigan were serious when it comes to eating their own.If he had been a Democrat how long would his middle eastern ancestry and his access to ready cash from his father been left alone.As for his perception as "beholdin' to nobody" ,the campaign contribution tally shows the Koch bros. and Club For Growth as his #1. His fathers' company West Mi. Tools at #2, Amway Alticor\Windquest #3, Abraham and Sons-convenience foods distributor #4. and Citizens United -Tea Party Pac #5.A careful examination of his voting record, past and present,  should demonstrate who benefits.His voting record is posted on Facebook .This will make it more transparent if people take a little time to find out who his strongest supporters are.  

Ellis ,meanwhile, picked up the tab for the majority of his campaign. Ouch!

That is cold comfort to people who dream about balanced representation in a West Michigan world  that is driven by an economic class that can afford to feed, cloth, and educate their children in high style whether the government shuts down or not.

Your choice -the Democrats choice for W. M.is between the rich guy who says he wants to outlaw all abortions, but really doesn't give a shit, and the guy who refused to vote on the issue when the roll was called.The latter will be your next congressman.He is currently better at lying to working people than the democrats so he's your guy.Until you see thousands of people rallying in Fuller park for a working class challenger this is what you get.HOW'S THAT TASTE?

CONGRATULATIONS TO JUSTIN AMASH-SON OF WEALTHY IMPORT BUSINESS MAGNATE ATALLAH AMASH 3RD DISTRICT WINNER.

MICHIGAN STREET MARK-BI-POLAR PARASITE EXTORTIONIST

Michigan street Mark is part of a highly organized , growing group of pathological poor people hell bent on intimidating rich people into giving up their hard won spare change.The fear that people feel when they drive their BMW out of the gated community is being exponentially exacerbated by the number of these unsavory tricksters blocking the view of department stores and Speedy marts on busy streets all over Grand Rapids.

Mark is also a liar.His cardboard sign reads "homeless, anything will help".When I bribed him with the seventy two cents I had worked my ass off for he gave up some crucial information.He, in fact, was currently vacationing in the posh, non-profit condo code named "Exodus". Exodus from a fuckin' job.Room 18. More like an 18 room bachelor pad, you-bet-your-hard-workin'- ass!

 Mark is a diagnosed schizophrenic but he readily admits to the fact that he considers that diagnoses to be a figment of his imagination.Does that sound crazy to you? Crazy like another welfare wizard genius livin' off the system.When I asked if he thought he was sick he gave me that phony inward stare that only endless hours of rehearsal can perfect, and said,"sure I hear voices sometimes. but it's not a big deal. I think everybody does". No argument hear, I hear a voice right now tellin' me to buggy-whip your freeloadin' ass down to the nearest restaurant to wash pots for .86 cents an hour cash money.

Mark says his thoughts are so poorly organized that he has trouble completing even the simplest tasks.He started working at nine years old digging on crews that installed swimming pools for his father. He is now 49 years old. He has spent most of his life in the contracting business, but, given his mental state can no longer hold a job
.He said he has a small house in the upper peninsula on a bit of land, He asks me if I have a car ,and could I give him a ride up there. Then, he affects that inward stare again and says, " I think I have a house, I'm pretty sure, anyway I could pay for gas when we get there." I told him I had to work. That'll teach him.

 I read a quote in an article claiming that people would not come to our town for Art Prize if we didn't deal with this plague of pan handlers pronto.Anyone with the sensibility to distinguish a sculpture from a hamster wheel should be capable of seeing this a a benign symptom of a social condition,

Mark does receive some food and treatment from a non-profit.He  readily admits that he begs for money for cigarettes, occasionally a beer, and the luxury of a Subway sandwich. A good 10 hour stint can bring him twenty plus dollars.

I can honestly say that I am dissapointed in Mark.I, at one point imagined he might be a clandestine,  Tea Party operative plotting to destroy entitlements programs from within, or a cagey entrepreneur taking handouts from dumbass, hippie, bleeding hearts and ultimately using that money to develop homeless shelters into more luxury condos downtown ,but that was just those voices in my head Mark mentioned. He's just somebody down on his luck, and suffering from the type of crazy that makes nobody money.

Someday ,maybe soon, I'll be on the opposite corner with a sign that reads "can't cook, can't write,need a ride to my imaginary house in  Yucatan".

AMASH ENDORSEMENT-Lessons from the dog park

Brian Ellis and Congressman Justin Amash are opposing one another in an August primary for the Mi. 3rd district congressional seat.

I was at the dog park this morning watching two male dogs trying to fuck one another.I couldn't help thinking of Brian Ellis and Justin Amash. Chiefly because it was apparent that neither one was really that interested in screwing the other and both ultimately had better things to do.Rusty, a lumbering golden retriever, [Ellis] wanted a treat, Splunky, a small chocolate Lab, [Amash] wanted  to get out of the park and be free.Both were acquiescing to a prescribed, narrow set of dog behaviors deemed acceptable for dogs of their respective breeds and ages.The half -mast, half- hearted attempts at domination only seemed to bore the other dogs,especially the bitches.I was about to nod off when a black and white Australian Shepard just outside the park fence caught my eye.Medium stature, handsome , alert, agile and friendly.He was trotting back and forth outside the gate and the dogs inside  seemed, for a moment, to fix their attention solely on him. A moment for a dog  is a substantial block of  focused attention. More than ample time to say...make up your mind who not to vote for.

Brian Ellis:
Resides in the quaint provincial suburb of East Grand Rapids.Famous for the wealth of it's citizens, the renowned purity of the drugs at their storied high school, and for providing the inspiration for the American Pie movie franchise.Everybody graduates, everybody goes to U of M or M.S.U.The less ambitious  wait tables or tend bar in one of the restaurants financed by well healed E G. R. holding companies.If you live there vote for him. If This sounds like your life where you live,vote for him.
.
Business major-former food business owner - East Grand Rapids school board President-current broker-money management guy with ties to wall street.Supported by everyone with money in West Michigan except the Devos clan.

He hates baby killers more than Justin Amash does.

He loves Jesus more than Justin Amash does.Actually that should be  a foregone conclusion because of his baby -killer position  but it is still mentioned often and with reasonably well executed diction.

I am using this space to endorse his opponent Justin Amash in the August primary.

I give Amash an outhouse rating of  3  well serviced Porta Lets fully stocked with hand sanitizer and tissue.This is out of a potential 5 Porta Potties.

*Fully stocked denotes that while the candidate is certainly "full of it" [In the parlance of our times] he or she is not necessarily "dirty".

I have written about Amash in two other posts."Justifucator", and "Too Many Trips.. through the tea kettle".

I would update the Amash info but it is my day off and I promised
to marinate chicken and pull some more weeds-Priorities.

AMERICA-LOVE IT, OR MOVE TO TEXAS

 The supreme court just ruled that Hobby Lobby gets to keep their female employees barefoot and pregnant because Jesus says so.They are ,of course , pregnant because their husbands are perpetually enraptured by the  "Boner Magic" they have been taking.That glorious med is covered by the Hobby Lobby "More White Babies For America " rider in the company insurance plan.Female contraception is not.I don't know what that has to do with Texass but I'm sure if I hadn't sworn off any serious attempts at research in a prior post,  I could find something. It just feels like something Texans would do.

Texas should be banned from exporting anything but music.Buddy Holly, Lyle Lovette,Willie Nelson, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Townes Van Zandt : it's like a cactus covered, cowboy  oxymoron.

They also have an unfortunate habit of exporting short-sighted, ruggedly handsome , dim , dry-drunk politicians who, once they stagger out of the Mesquite, tend to wreak havoc on the civilized world.They should stay drunk, stay home, and listen to more homegrown music.They'd be funnier, happier and more productive members of the human race.

I got my  free welfare abortion to celebrate the election of the first African American entitlement lover in the history of this blessed country. I have to say , it was very unpleasant. Granted, I'm a guy, but who's gonna turn down some free-ass welfare insurance.Like I said ,very unpleasant, but alas,  most woman in Texas will never know the sheer exuberance of hearing that ch- ch- ching of the welfare abortion cash register ringing. They can't afford the two hundred mile trip to get to a clinic.They have been screwed by the dude ranch they call a state legislature.By dudes I mean the males in the congress and state senate that have taken everything but the right to vote [or carry a gun] from the women of Texas.

The perception of the progressive male is somewhere between Liberace and Paul Giamatti.We need a Texas- style re-brandin iron.We need to fight for our women; fist fight, gun fight, machete fight, kick in the balls dirty fight , and yes, brain fight.We need to out Clint Eastwood these Clint Eastwood -talkin -to- an- empty- chair guys.The men of the Democratic party need a shot of testosterone to the brain first, and then the balls.We have left it to the woman of the party to take the sharpest rhetorical tones in the current political climate.By we I mean every one but me.The forty five people who occasionally read these posts will verify that claim.

Texas- I like to imagine J.R. Ewing turned Progressive Democrat, unchained, buyin off fat supreme court judges while screwing their wives: using his wealth and power to wreak havoc on the real evil doers of this world. THE PEOPLE I KNOW TO BE  WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING..




    

CHEF GUT BUSTER- FREEDOM CAKE

Okay, okay, okay, okay! Which amendment protects me from psychotic cro-magnons who want to carry loaded AR 15s into grocery stores and restaurants.The founders, or maybe even Jesus must have thought of this scenario. They  must have willed or hocus pocused something into a tome that provides law biding citizens the right not to have the shit scared out of their kids before they are disemboweled by machine gun fire.

How about a recipe;

FREEDOM CAKE

  Ingredients:
1 high caliber rapid fire automatic long gun-three spares
30,000 rounds of ammunition -preferably armor piercing [ thick bone mass around the eyebrows is a common feature of low I.Q. conservative gun thugs]
10 gallons  blinding , all encompassing, sense of self righteousness
500 gallons white paint[optional]
10,000 maniacs{not the band]

Method:
-Using your rifle in a sweeping motion, kill as many Tea Party N.R.A.gun toters as you can before they can shoot back .Don't worry so much about accuracy with your first pass, there 's plenty of time for a head shot later.
-then build a wall alternating layers of dead N R. A members, guns, more dead republicans, guns etc.Using the gore as you would cake icing to tidy up.Building a wall out of dead idiots can be a very asymmetrical exercise.
-Paint your wall white-spraying is your best bet but demographics being what they are you may want to skip it altogether.
-Using your machine gun as a pen [mightier than the sword, right] write a personalized message.
might I suggest :"this felt like a good start".
-Allow to bake in the hot sun
-Repeat this process until you begin to feel safe, reload, and repeat until you feel really safe.

That's some down home cookin' right there boy!

THAT is how you solve a complex problem with a firearm.

So begins the process of embracing what we fear and despise.Fear begets hatred. Hatred begets violence.
People who are continually made to feel fear will resort to violence.If that is where we are headed we will all have reason to fear our own government.They alone possess the fire power to put down a violent civil war.If the left and the right become violently entangled ,we will all be victims of a police state.The rhetoric really has no where else to go.What is the next logical step ?.